Air-bed of thoughts!

•April 7, 2011 • Leave a Comment


A strange confidence has hovered on me. Like a blast of flesh air, it has sprinkled me with new thoughts to act on! I think of working on it, with speakers thundering in my ears and urging me to go for more. With a cute and fancy smile plastered to my face, I start. I gasp. Why? All in a jiffy I lose it. Fuck..its dwindling. I see it crashing down like a pack of cards at a horrifying speed. No, I lost it. I dint even experience a transition here, goddamit! I curse to myself. Amused at the speed at which I turned the smile into a question mark I sit with disbelief hovering on my head now. Wish it gives way to something else, I thought. I shrug hard, to transit to where I started. Nope, the remote has been adjusted and the channel of brood and disappointment is going to stay for a while, I realized. I swivel my head for lots of things sometimes and sometimes for answers. And there I found my answer in the form of an air-bed ,the one that I crash on in sickness, solitude and for sleep.

The air-bed is a strange space of its kind. Never uniform, never tight, it seems to buoy to the thoughts in your mind. As i wrestle and struggle with it to find my balance, i hear grumblings from underneath. Is it my belly, my mind or my bed? Chuckling on my ill-fated humor, I play flip-flop with my eyes. Nothing seems stark enough to shake me off from this mood.

Laying there, seeing the ceiling fan go round and round, I try to attach some kind of confounded reasoning to all the worthlessness I am surrounded with.  This moment typifies me, I thought to myself. Never do I do what I am supposed to and as always I compensate my laggardness by observing the worthlessness. A good start I thought to get back. Now what do I do. No wait, another thought has popped up. I see an air-holed plastic bag swirling around in air.  I decided to follow the bag. I see it being blown into a one healthy shape, filled with excitement. But then it deflates again, toppled in another direction, breaking into a nonchalant strut. Guess it knows its joy is shortlived for it hurriedly breaks into a carefree dance. It trips, breaks and falls unable to contain its excitement.

Trying to launch into another flight, it waits. It has waited for too long now. When it gets help, it refuses to budge. It lays there looking at the branches swaying to the wind. The damp grass it was lying on was twitching and turning to the insects that were playing hide and seek in them. It felt it made a connection to all the worthlessness around.

As it lies, so I reflect in bliss.

The plastic smile is back on my face. I felt connected again. Flash! Something sped by. I look around. The air bag, trying to redeem itself, is left in tatters. The smile is fast slipping away, dropping my jaws, with my eyes darting around unable to react. It was a speeding truck I guess. Tearing it beyond recognition, it managed to trickle tears down the contours of my cheek. The transition has taken place. I look up at the circling blades of the fan and the cycle continues.




What F.R.I.E.N.D.S did to us?

•July 25, 2008 • 3 Comments
alternative friends!

alternative friends!

Six wonderfully sketched characters going through their motions
can actually make us feel the warmth we share with our friends.Oh yes u r  right !
Am talking about F.RI.E.N.D.S,like home away from home …its friends away from friends.
 When sitcoms relate to people in this fashion  with moments which make  you realise that  you embody a certain facet of ceratin charater , u r so at the mercy of your tv then!….When it comes to me i have  a JOEY’S APPETITE , a decent amountof grey matter harbouring CHANDLERS sarcasm AND PHOEBISH WHACKO TANTRUMS .See what it had done to me, identify myself with one of the characters and it doesnt end there.It leads to a few  moments where in u are left with questions coated with your insecurities and frivilousness and the one below is what i am talking about.

i am sloppy/clumsy …
so is joey
but joey is still lovable….y?
if u take few parallels between us and them,then it gets even more interesting.
american chandler and an indian chandler (or chandrakant) would never be the same.Though chandler is stuck up when around  girls ,he still wud have had some 5 in his kitty ,where as chandrakant for all his life must have had a brush or 1 single encounter before his first night.(if u take  the average statistics into account w/o considering personalities like shakti kapoor,gautam reddy).

 Another night at ohris  and as we were getting done with our sundaes so were we with the seasons.My friend trying to explain an incident swayed his hands in a fashion which reminded me somethin  quite typical of Mr. CHANANDALER BONG!Thought it was supposedly funny but ppl overlooked it and he continues with his babble.Another occasion ,another ohris night and right in the middle of our babbble i see that “sway” appear again…wts happenin?i asked  myself.!Before i could react, there he goes about it  again n again  which left  me smiling at the moment rather than question it and gradually i could see “f.r.i.e.n.d.s” doing their bit by casting  their mannerisms and s”language” onto my friends..When american sensiblities are incorportaed into  an  “ever imbibing” temple of an indian,his gait can get a little stiff or assume a shape!Human emotions are all the same ,no matter where u  hail from ,the  sensibilities and  natural endowments carried  by us are different in their very own ways pertaining to the land we owe our birth to .

Lets just imagine these 6 PPL around us and situation gets rather improbable.
Had monica been working in Hyderabad she would have been advised to join some bpo “atleast” for a “better” life.And ross for all his brains and  degrees wud have been seen as this society’s threat for getting married thrice and  miss phoebe known for her free wheeling attitude would be considered a case , “aaa type” or “loose” forgettin the fiery spirit she rather endowes.Rachel again would have got bitched about  by her neighbours for leading such an irresponsible lifestyle and hence proving to be a  misfit for not considering M.S or software job as her career option.Joey would be made to realize   that he is  dumb to an extent that  he becomes this  mr.”life less” joey who would make up his mind to take up java or .net course @ ameerpet for a “brighter” future.Mr.chandler ie the societal misfit would somehow graze our society with languid ease as there are hordes n hordes of “transponsters” tryin to figure out what they are up to with their lives.
Say these people take a flat in  my apartment and they are rest assured to hear whispers sayin”yentandi ee tharam abbayilu amayyilu aradham pardham lekunda raaskuntu pooskuntu thirugutaru…kaliyugam andi !!emi cheyalaem!” and they will be forced to flee with in a day or two.Can we talk about these 6 at one breath when it comes to our society.When we contextualise these people in our society then it kinda gets far-fetched to talk about them in one breath.sadly!!!

Friends ultimately is about 6 people like us going through their daily motions . I guess the fault lies with us when we create stars out of people & not  characters .When it comes to friends its these characters that are remenisced but somewhere deep inside we want to  associate with   the superficial setup created around these portrayals .It is we who place them on a   pedestal and in turn feel insecure.No wonder coffee days and mochas are doing this big in the indian markets.Thanks to central park which did help us feel what coffee with friends is all about…(this is chandler’s sarcasm if u r not able to see it).If i get critical about “F.R.I.E.N.D.S”, i do agree the things that they get to do for what they earn for their living is slightly over the top…For instance joey  a struggling actor  and some1 with a humungous appetite looks slimmer and light as  seasons go  by.
So what draws us to friends?
 is it the distinct nature of each of the characters .Or the fact that we move in herds and stay with ppl who are disciplined to a discipline they have chosen and in the process  are not able to  do somethin of their own liking.Perhaps its the freedom that “F.R.I.E.N.D.S”  experience,freedom in doing those insignificant things  and in the process leading a life of their own.It is this inherent nature of this sitcom which makes us yearn about the lifesyle these guys lead.

Ultimately the essence of friends or for  that matter any popular sitcom or movie is almost and always forgotten by people as we are more concerned about the superficial nature of  “where thhese people hang out” and the “”slang”uage they use to converse”.As of now Americanisims are in ,British have left leaving their mark on our ancestors but its America now invading us with zees and o’s!


•March 12, 2008 • 1 Comment

trying to grapple with the imbalance that was set in my mind due to what ever i have stated in my earlier blog(1st blog) ,i felt Introspection was the answer to all my demons .But tht was not so and  i banked upon a few of the famous adages for the  solution  where  i thought this adage in particluar would come in handy  “an idle mind is a devils work shop”…..but the solution to all this misery was a “maybe”…..nothing definite..everything compelling!!Then it was this incident that shooke me up .Just another evening when we were idling away poking fun at each other  it was then  when i was turned under the spotlight and became  the butt of  ridicule for quite  some time, which made me uneasy as it stirred me up with in.Thanks to my  image which masked n soaked up all these simmerings with consummate ease as i phased that evening out with great diffculty(for my image had created its own armoury in defence).Got back home…latched the door…and mom was caught up in her school work …and the juncture was perfect for me to lie and reflect …….was tryin to comprehend the unrest that dawned upon me ….but no solution yet ….a few days of quest with unrest led me down the memory lane and  a flurry of images picturing the same old group during our schooling  made me chuckle and “buckle free” those entwined  emotions…..everything was coming back to me…v were innocent ….less thought out ….less lessened…clear and sure with no distortions……a particular image which was prominent in the collage of images that i could FEEL was the one where i was picked upon constantly by my pals …can imagine those GUFFAWS brought up by my skoool mates  …did i quiver then…did tht make me wince ….nope!!! ……….hurrah is this the solution…..the  shedding of IMAGE I ….yupp ….i felt it was ….the source of all chaos in my mind…!!!
i without i is  i with an  eye!!!!!


•March 12, 2008 • Leave a Comment

Tend to vent my frustration out by penning thoughts with a coercion similar
to scratching my head when i am not able to reason out an issue.But there are few issues that hold me back while doing so …..and issues stem from the phenomena   I…ie.. the IMAGE that i have created for myself… my being and….. my survival……the fact that these cluttered   ie irrational  ie random & cliched thoughts (where  random is so  cliched .. I guess definite does not exist anymore in our dictionaries)….are given a shape and sound in order to be perceived in a way every  person in our group  gets IT…
that’s where i feel the essence in I is lost ….the act of EUPHEMIZING a thought ..a disturbance one feeels in “his or her” head leaves that “he or she” in the lurch and search for its  answer….how sad when  i want to pour my heart out about a happening and in the process try to create a common ground between the image I (that can take no damage) and the array of thoughts….its this constant ebb and flow ..(ebbed  for the refinement ie euphemise…)….flow(after thoughts are euphemised)of thoughts….that makes me go mute just for a fraction a second & regain thought of  “version I.o”……. because  I need to survive the I……!!!!!…..

Hello world!

•March 5, 2008 • Leave a Comment

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